BrownTown chills out with Tweak'G, Chicago rapper, activist, and Chi DNA feature documentary subject. In Tweak's two-year anniversary in BrownTown, the fam discusses ethics and relationship-building in documentary filmmaking and deconstructs gender roles and sexuality within contemporary hip-hop as well as their everyday lives.
BrownTown chills out with Tweak'G, Chicago rapper, activist, and Chi DNA feature documentary subject. In Tweak's two-year anniversary in BrownTown (see episode 15), the fam discusses ethics and relationship-building in documentary filmmaking and deconstructs gender roles and sexuality within contemporary hip-hop as well as their everyday lives. Tweak talks about new developments in her personal and professional life as BrownTown details their "on set" and behind-the-scenes experiences getting to know Tweak through creating the Chi DNA feature and beyond. Tweak deconstructs stereotypes about masculine-presenting Lesbians in hip-hop as well as the everyday, while critiquing heteronormative hierarchies within the Lesbian and queer community. Her and BrownTown continue to chop it up about everything from learned behavior in children playground games to the military-industrial complex.
GUEST
Tweak’G is a rapper and activist who has been on the front lines of the two successful grassroots campaigns in Chicago--#ByeAnita and #TraumaCenterNow at the U of Chicago. Born and raised in Chicago, Tweak spent 6-years in the military and now simultaneously traverses Chicago’s activist and underground rap scene as an unapologetic Black Lesbian ready for her next project. Most recently, she is working on her newest music compilation Vulnerability, is a founding member of Dissenters, a youth-led anti-militarism grassroots organization, and is the primary subject in SoapBox's upcoming Chi DNA feature documentary.
CHI DNA
This is the eighth Chicago Drill and Activism (AKA "Chi DNA") installment of Bourbon ’n BrownTown. Chi DNA is an ongoing documentary and multimedia project, which also features interviews, micro-documentaries, and editorial pieces on drill rap and the activist resurgence in Chicago.
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Follow Tweak'G on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Listen to her on Soundcloud and YouTube.
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CREDITS: Intro/outro song Gold by Tweak'G. Audio engineered by Genta Tamashiro. Episode photo by Sean Kelly.
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Chicago Drill and Activism
Site | Twitter | Micro-Docs | Support
Bourbon ’n BrownTown
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Site | Patreon
SoapBox Productions and Organizing, 501(c)3
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Site | Support
Ep. 50 - Chi DNA: Participatory Filmmaking & Gender Performance within Hip-Hop ft. Tweak’G
BrownTown chills out with Tweak'G, Chicago rapper, activist, and Chi DNA feature documentary subject. In Tweak's two-year anniversary in BrownTown, the fam discusses ethics and relationship-building in documentary filmmaking and deconstructs gender roles and sexuality within contemporary hip-hop as well as their everyday lives.
INTRO
Song Gold by Tweak'G
BODY OF EPISODE
[00:01:14] David: what's up, everyone. I want to welcome you all to another installment of Bourbon 'n BrownTown. I'm your host, David, with my guy, as always, Caullen. Hanging out to you, bringing out to you episode 50!
[00:01:26] Caullen: Five-Zero, son! Buck, buck! Where y'all at!?
[00:01:30] David: Hopefully listening to, if not all of them, a decent majority.
[00:01:34] Caullen: Naw I want all of them. I want everyone, everything.
[00:01:37] David: I mean, Caullen has heard all of our episodes. So, you know, that's why- stay to his level, get on his level,
[00:01:43] Caullen: Get past a level, get back a couple of times
[00:01:45] David: and join Patreon.
[00:01:46] Caullen: 50 episodes, like that's-
[00:01:50] David: This is real! Oh my goodness! I was over here with hype when we did 20, we were like, "oh my god, we hit the 20 mark."
[00:01:56] Caullen: I also feel weird about anniversaries like this, if you can call it that. Cause it's like 49 is one below, but you don't say anything. 51 is like, all right, whatever. 50, it's like, oh my god. It's just one more, one less, so it's just time going over. But no, it's cool. We have- it feels solid. Feels like a good whole, whole ass number, right? But the episodes- rock with us, guys. patreon.com/bourbonNbrowntown. See, what's good, get all the updates. Actually, speaking of Patreon- shout out Nico. He is, I forgot what the tier is called, but the $30 tier, and we have throw a shout out now, but also he's a homie. I met him cause I use to teach fitness classes at DePaul University. He was an undergrad and started fucking with me and then fucking with Soapbox and comes to all our events and stuff. Just a good dude. So shout out, Nico. I see you out there making moves.
And what's also special about this episode is that we have with us Tweak'G. And not only do we have Tweak'G, and get to read into more about all of her awesome work and what's happening in her world, but two years ago- at this time at this release at least- we had her on the podcast before, and two years ago things were a lot different. I think for all of us.
[00:03:11] David: It was fairly early on and we weren't, we didn't have the opportunity to be recording out of here. And you know,
[00:03:17] Caullen: David, where are we?
[00:03:19] David: We are- shoutout to Cards Against Humanity for, as always, opening up their doors and letting us hang out, do a little Bourbon 'n BrownTown, but Tweak, bruh, how you doing?!
[00:03:28] Tweak'G: Yo man, look, I'm feeling good shawty. Look man, shout out to y'all, man. It's yeah, it's been two years, a lot has changed a lot of good, a lot of bad, but this is nothing but a perfect example of starting from the bottom now we're fucking here, right? We're almost there, but we moving up. We're not quite quite there, but you know, it was a little better from last time, but yeah man, it's Tweak'G, baby, I'm here. Shout out to the new supporters!
[00:03:58] David: And for anyone who hasn't listened to your previous episode, which if you haven't feel free to press pause.
[00:04:04] Caullen: Episode 15. Chi DNA, #realtalk with the veteran rap-tivist, featuring Tweak'G. Y'all should check it out.
[00:04:10] Tweak'G: Let's GO!
[00:04:11] David: But if not, you want to tell the world out there a little bit about yourself?
[00:04:15] Tweak'G: Yeah, sup world? My name is Tweak'G that's T-W-E-A-K and don't forget the G, motherfucker, apostrophe, right? I'm 26, I'm a rapper, songwriter, MC, you feel me? I'm a semi-singer, gotta be on some- (humming rhythmically) . Nah though, for real though, you feel me, I got some shit. Look. And I'm an organizer, activist, hood activist, as I like to say, you know what I'm saying? Prison abolitionist. Fuck 12. Inside there- Caullen, he knows what I'm talking about, but that's later, once we figure out some shit. But for right now, you know, big twelves on the finger.
So, yeah, man, I'm here. They let y'all know what's up with me going on with the music, how I'm still involved with my activism and you know what I'm saying? Talk about a little bit about Chi DNA, I can't wait for y'all to see that, that shit's, some dope man. Shout out to these two, David and Caullen!
[00:05:18] David: Well, I mean, I guess we can just dive straight into that. I mean, it's almost this is kind of birth, as we've mentioned a couple of times before from Caullen's thesis about looking at drill music and it's connection, or its rise and fame in connection with activism in the city, things like that. And then it kind of sprouted into being more. And I know we do talk a little bit about that on the previous episode, but then this ended up being- over to your project. And you know, I can't speak for Caullen, but as for myself, not everything- without a film background- like not everything goes the way you thought it was going to go, right, from the get-go. But it's like, this in particular, was, has been such an incredible experience for myself. And I want to get both of you guys- cause like, Caullen as a creator, and Tweak as our protagonist in the film- your thoughts and things like that. But as on my end, it's been an incredible journey, not only to be able to document and be seeing everything that's been happening, but also I feel as Soapbox does, be a part of it. I feel not only, I think through the documenting and through hanging out there, I think we're able to learn a little bit about each other, but even then we're able to build a friendship. And I think that's- not too many people can say that that's what always happens. You know what I'm saying? But Caullen, how's this experience been, the role of documenting Chi DNA over the last two years for you with Tweak been.
[00:06:50] Caullen: That was beautiful, David.
[00:06:52] David: Thank you.
[00:06:52] Caullen: That was so well said.
[00:06:53] David: We do our best.
[00:06:55] Caullen: We succeed!
[00:06:57] Tweak'G: I agree with what you just said, David. Besides the recording and all that, like I was just saying, you guys have been very supportive of my music, you know what I'm saying? Y'all always at the events, at the shows and
[00:07:11] David: You've got bars though!
[00:07:12] Tweak'G: I appreciate that.
[00:07:12] Caullen: It's not like, oh my god she's trash, why are we here?
[00:07:17] Tweak'G: Please let me know. Y'all already know, man, I don't sugar coat shit. If it's ever a time where like, yo Tweak, you- hey, let me know before I fuck all that shit up, you feel me? But yeah, family forever though. You know what I'm saying? Y'all are some real true genuine people. And I fuck with that. This part of my journey, it will forever be the unforgettable part. A lot of times people think- oh- certain people think their absence from things won't have that much of an impact, if there's a lot of people or you won't notice that they're not there, when in reality you're the most important, you know what I'm saying? So you do have the biggest impact when we look for a certain people to support us or to be there when we look out in the crowd and they not there, it's like that shit sticks out like a fucking sore thumb, you know that, you know what I'm saying? So, I used to focus on a lot of the motherfuckers that's not there. I would always sweat them, yo, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, damn bro, $12 or $8, hey, come on,
[00:08:30] Caullen: Or it's free- just slide!
[00:08:33] Tweak'G: You feel me? niggas always have a fucking excuse. I swear to God, this shit, it becomes at a point you just be like, nigga, fuck you. I swear to God, like, fuck you.
[00:08:43] Caullen: Do folks often say, I'm going to be there, then in the last minute, pull out? Or always like, oh, I can't make it from the beginning?
[00:08:49] Tweak'G: Both. It's a mixture of both. But the biggest thing is "you got to tell me, G, about this show." Bitch, you inquire. Do fucking Drake come and tell you, Hey, I'm finna go on tour?
[00:09:04] Caullen: Oohh, tell 'em.
[00:09:07] Tweak'G: Do motherfucking, what's that little nigga's name, Lil' Baby got to come, fucking knock on your door and tell you to that, dog you know me, you be seeing me, you know what's crazy? The funniest shit, I swear to God. I've been promoting this shit, a show for a period of time. This person has shared the post numerous times. And then the day of, I make it-, they'll share again, now I'll comment and tag them and be like, "yo, G, you slammed through right?" Motherfucker's like "damn G I ain't know. I just found out last minute," Bitch, you been sharing this! I'm insulted. You know what, you right. You right. You've been helping me share- promote this, G, for over a month, and you found out- so do I personally have to say, Hey, I want you to come? Fuck yeah I want you to come. Here's the information, nigga, pull up. That's when I've laid out, I ain't begging for motherfuckers support. You know what I'm saying? Motherfuckers always telling me like, yo, you know, you gonna make it, you gonna make it. Don't forget me when you blow up. And then, you know what I say? I say you right, I won't, I won't. I won't forget I had to constantly beg you to pull up to the shows. I won't forget how I had to constantly beg you, hey, could you share this link? Hey, can you click it? Can you like it? I won't forget that. And this another thing, when I'm getting on, why do people think I have to financially support them there? Bitch, I'm on, not you. Motherfucker.
[00:10:30] Caullen: You didn't help me get here.
[00:10:33] Tweak'G: Exactly! You didn't give a dime, everybody like- drop that music. Bitch, drop some money so I can go record quality shit. Stop playing. These niggas pushing 60 to 100 hours. Stop it. nigga, stop it. Everybody have problems, Tweak- yeah bitch, mine's a little bit unique than others. My peers, they ain't carry a lot of the shit that I'm carrying, know what I'm saying? So my support team is scattered with individuals here, individuals there. It's not like one big ass team right behind me. But you know what I'm saying? I'm grateful for what I have.
And so I'm just making do with the little that I got, you know what I'm saying? It's taken a hell of a long time, but it's baby steps, but it's still moving forward. I made a hell of a lot of progress from last time I came in and recorded with you guys. So I am proud of that. And I got a good plan now, and it's one I hope when all you motherfuckers hear this, it's over with, it's over. I think that's why niggas didn't wanna help me, cause they knew. Once I would, baby- once I reached that plate, it's hot. It's hot nigga.
[00:11:41] Caullen: Almost as if it's a "dinner" plate. (Comically laughter)
[00:11:47] Tweak'G: It's on that EP, "Vulnerabilities" still coming, man. It's coming. I'm telling ya, it's gonna be worth the wait man. That project. It's the reason why I'm still pushing it because it's something dear to me, dog. It's literally an open book to who I am. I'm open for critique. I'm open for all opinions there, but I let people know off back, I'm not creating for you. This is for me. I'm just allowing you to, you know what I'm saying? Peep in on the journey.
[00:12:14] David: So how has it been for you, Tweak, having Soapbox around, kind of periodically over the last two years, right? How has that been? And especially in comparison to other documentaries or other interviews, or things that you've already like, kind of just been doing as part of Tweak?
[00:12:35] Caullen: Can I interject real quick?
[00:12:39] Tweak'G: Yeah for sure
[00:12:39] Caullen: I feel like you just showed us a lot of love as far as supporting you and coming out. Or I just wanna say, even the times where I know you have a show and I might even promote it, and I know I won't be able to be there, to be like, "Hey, I will not be there. I want to be there, hope it was good." And, I'll ask you about it afterwards and, try to do whatever I can.
[00:12:58] Tweak'G: And that's what I keep trying to tell people. I say support, it's not just no one way to support. There's so many ways G. So many ways G, but when I don't see you doing shit and then you'll come to me and within the same breath and ask, "yo Tweak-" what the, I'm about ready to slap fat from your ass if you don't get out my face, nigga.
[00:13:18] Caullen: and all that too, it's like, and, we, we don't have shows and stuff like you do, "we", as in Soapbox, but you know, we've had events, we had a Chi DNA event that was more about voting and stuff, elections in Chicago. I guess this one, two years ago, last year, not two years, yeah last year, but we had an event and you came through with us and hung out and shared space with everyone there. And it was you supporting us with just being there. So it definitely goes both ways and we have a lot of stuff happening.
[00:13:46] Tweak'G: It's a two-way support system, man. I mean, it's set up for a win-win. It's not just where I'm reaping benefits or just, you guys reaping benefits. I'm helping you. I'm helping you guys and you guys are helping me, you know what I'm saying? You guys have a certain type of audience. I have a certain type of audience, bam, we just fused the two and damn you got some of my audience members, I got some of your audience members and now shit, we just keep growing like that, man. That's how I look at it. That's how I tried to approach every situation. But a lot of people don't see a lot of situations like that and I'd just be like, fuck it.
[00:14:21] Caullen: I didn't want to cut you off, David. I just want to share love. Cause I forgot some of the spaces and that's what our relationship has been in the past couple of years. Not only us individuals, but our entities and brands, at the same time, I think that's very much in tune with how we want to present ourselves and our work and our businesses in the world, as well as being participatory and symbiotic in nature. And if it's not let's confront and talk about it and communicate and figure it out cause we're adults.
[00:14:50] David: Yeah.
Well, I mean, let's place that question then on you first. How has it been for you, interacting with Tweak over these last two years? As the creator of Chi DNA, you had this idea for it, and, it's still in the works, so it's like, it's not completely done, but, as for the filming and the interacting with Tweak and having her becoming the storyline, how has that been for you as a filmmaker? You know, things of that manner?
[00:15:20] Caullen: The biggest thing for me, I kinda talked about it just now, is communication. I think this whole process of the feature portion has been very evolutionary. That thing originally is, okay, we're going to follow around a couple different folks, some activists, some drill rappers, Tweak in the the middle, hang on, like, see how it goes. And for being A) my first feature documentary. That's like, that's my own, like I can call as my own or our own. I also don't have any money attached to these documentaries makes things difficult. But also having folks who have shot stuff with Soapbox before who loved the project, like shout out Dakota, shout out Austin, shout out Xenon. Knowing we can still do it and then it's figuring, okay, it's not practical for a lot of reasons to follow around this many people, where's the story? Who do we know the best? And then seeing the light in Tweak every day, and seeing her on camera and off camera and there's been no difference-. That being one thing, another thing being the biggest thing is you being in the organizing world and that the space, as well as doing your music that is very versatile and kind of having that all embodied in the same thing. And then for me, I mean, I think prior to the past few years, I was kind of in this shit, so to speak, as far as like activism in Chicago or whatever, but I've been growing and learning as has the brand, as had Chi DNA, as has Soapbox. As that's been happening I've been hanging out with you more, again on camera and off camera. And I think for me it's always got to be intentional and communicative, even the things that I think that are maybe problematic. And I remember one time, you know, I kind of mapped out after a certain duration filming stuff here and there, we kind of knew- we wanted to kinda bring Chi DNA to a close, cause we can in theory, film forever. I figured it out. We're going to finish this. So I looked at what we shot, where we need to shoot. And I was like, how does this, how do we wrap this story up in the totality that is Chicago drill slash underground rap and activism, which is like, you know, a lot of shit. And so I'm like, all right, if maybe even focusing on Tweak for the past little bit now, she's very much the protagonist in this story. I don't know if she knows that, but I'm like, all right, I know how I as a filmmaker, see what I want to get out of the story of the macro levels having tried for the past decade or so with a micro level, how it affects people who are actually from here, cause I'm not. And I know what I want to get out of it, which sounds shitty but was just like if I'm being honest with myself, and I do, you Tweak knew, like, you know, kind of what it was all about, but I'm like, let's sit down, let's talk and be like, all right, this is what I see, what do you see? How do you feel? Do you feel like you're being like used or if you like, let's chop it up. Like, I don't know. I remember you came over to the apartment, I was like, here's the board, here's what it is, I'm just, this is what I see. You know what I'm saying? Like, I see the connection, I think, but it's just like, A) is that even a right diagnosis? And B) is that diagnosis shitty? And like and am I using you? And I feel like I'm not, I feel like we have a relationship. I'm like, I don't know how you read it.
[00:18:18] Tweak'G: It's crazy that you say that. And I don't mean to cut you off. That's the theory. That's the theory that I actually go back and I try to, you know what I'm saying? I tried to tell people everyone uses someone. What makes you a bad person is how you use them. Are your intentions good? Why are you using them? You know what I'm saying? Because you need somebody, you know what I'm saying? Damn, how can I use you? That's the same thing when you go to apply for a job. Why should I pick you? Can I use you? Are you good to this? How you finna add value to this? But in this situation and our relationship, is it beneficial for both? Like, you know what I'm saying? I know I'm being used, but Hey, how the fuck is it finna benefit me? Know what I'm saying. Just gonna let a motherfucker use you, and you ain't got nothing to coming to it. And if that's how, if it was one-sided for you, you feel me, then that would've been bad on your end. And if I detected that, then of course I would have withdrawn, but I look at this as not only me helping you, it's promo for me. You know what I'm saying? A lot of people get to see who Tweak'G is. Like I said, I'm an independent artist. Independent down to the bone. I don't have no team. No shit. I'm my manager. I'm my publicist, do my own marketing, my own promo. I'm all that, you feel me. So when, here's, oh Tweak, we got this. woudababam? We trying to do this. We want you to do woudababam. Aight bet. And I could talk about my music and talk about my life and talk about my activism and how it is. Oh shit- they finna know who the fuck I really am. Why not? You feel me? There's nothing bad by being a partner this has had come from this, nothing. It has been something completely beneficial from start to finish, and technically there really, really is no finish with this, if you think about it. Because I'm pretty sure something else is something bigger will come from this. You know what I'm saying? It's just, it's the first one, baby. This gonna hit festivals. Oh shit, who this?
[00:20:18] Caullen: Coming for you.
[00:20:20] David: Tweak, the mother fucking god. Okayyy.
[00:20:22] Tweak'G: Not just that though, Soapbox, other films. You know what I'm saying? Not just, not just about me or just about Chicago, but they got to go see, they also gonna see how great of a city we are. But you know what I'm saying? We're painted bad due to people don't know it's our corruption ass policies that's the reason why it's bad. Not just because of what people see on TV or what the news is lying or some shit they done heard in a song. Stop playing, baby, this Chitown, let's get it.
[00:20:54] David: I mean, and I think for me, it's been great to be able to also see you as an individual, so many things happened to you these last two years that, some of it, it was happening while we were filming. Right. And so it's like, I have to, like, you know, we're somewhat removed, but we're also there. And I don't know if you remember, but it's still in my brain the first time, I think it was just me and you, cause for the majority, it was Caullen, where it was always David and Caullen hanging out with Tweak. But one day it was just me and you and it was Dakota and we were chilling and we were in your room and we just started smoking. And I think you were- that's when I was like, damn, this is why Tweak is gonna be this person. Cause you were just being so chill and this kind of, some of the conversations we were talking about, you know, talking about some of these struggles, like frustrations, you know, and just being honest with me, well-damn knowing that there's a camera right there. You weren't necessarily changing anything about yourself. You were just like rolling. We were smoking and just talking. And I was like, this is the type of genuine type shit that we need other people to understand exists. You know what I'm saying? I think that was a wonderful opportunity for myself as like, I'll put myself as a "filmmaker", right, to be like, yo,
[00:22:02] Caullen: With his air quotes
[00:22:03] David: You know, this is the subject, but not only just the subject like this is where this story is going. This is how it's intertwining. And this was two years ago, you know, this is before Caullen showed you the wall. This was before you knew who really David even was, and you were so chill and straight. And that, I hope that's cause I try to be, you know, genuine with everybody, and we reciprocate energies. But other than that it's like, really you didn't have to, you feel what I'm saying? Like, you didn't have to, we were shooting you, you didn't have to involve myself, me, but you did. And I think that was, that was a good moment for me to kind of- and we saw that as the time passed by, you know, with certain very pivotal moments in your life, like you getting married, you know, as a huge thing. And other steps like that,
[00:22:44] Tweak'G: Shoutout to my wife
[00:22:44] David: you know, your show. Yeah. Shout out to your wife, heyyy. You know, just shows and things like that. And in that matter, I think it's been great. And I think while you are just one part of it, I think it was very important for us and we appreciate- I appreciate how open you've been in general. And I think that's just you, right? That's just who you are, and I think people are going to get that across.
[00:23:08] Tweak'G: Thank you.
[00:23:08] David: And I think that that's a beautiful thing because you see that in your music, right, as well. So the journey you were telling us, the journey between where you were two years ago when we were recording the podcast episode, now can you, what's, what's been the biggest change for you you feel?
[00:23:23] Tweak'G: So I'm a very indecisive person, very. I'm so unorganized, but however, it's like, organized chaos with me. That works for me.
[00:23:38] Caullen: Yeah. That's a good description
[00:23:40] Tweak'G: that, that works for me. Shit be all over the place, but I'd be like, a-ha! You know? So and, what I mean by that, for me, adjusting to where music is now is sometimes it's a slap in the face. At a point of time I was like, fuck all this shit, all them niggas weak. They ass. It's y'all fault they out. Bitch, what about me? I'm good, I'm good! And then, you know, somebody like, yo Tweak good is subjective, like what you may think is good maybe it's whack to somebody else. You know what I'm saying? And vice versa. And I'm like.. FUCK THAT, THAT SHIT'S ASS, G, COME ON! Let's be real, g. You know, if some shit, if g, if it's ass, it's ass, you can't deny, ain't no, no if ands buts ain't no way around it, come on!
[00:24:30] Caullen: I mean, there's some butts about ass.
[00:24:32] Tweak'G: Right. But now, I don't even want to call it the music game no more, it's the business game. Mr. Money game.
[00:24:41] Caullen: I mean, it always was.
[00:24:43] Tweak'G: True. But at a point in time, dog, it was music used to be- I don't- the best era of music for me is Motown and nigga, I wasn't even thought of, neither was my mama. When I hear me some Smokey Robinson, the Marvelettes, Diana Ross and the Supremes, you feel me? I'm talking about- what's my- what's that nigga name? My grandma put me on him-
[00:25:10] Caullen: Soulja Boy
[00:25:11] Tweak'G: Naw, fuck- crank that shit outta here! Naw, but that was the hit, let me stop playing. What's this nigga name? The- Otis Redding!
[00:25:20] Caullen: Ohh, okay.
[00:25:21] Tweak'G: I don't get that feeling, dog. My soul would be so, soothing. I'm talking about, my heart hum, nigga. I don't get that from this music. You know what I'm saying? Not even- certain, some rap can still get me- you know what I'm saying- at that point, but music, you know what I'm saying, period, I just sometimes don't feel moved by it at all. At a point in time, g, I can only listen to RAH RAH crunk shit for a period of time. All day, every day? Bitch, no! That's too much for me. I need to calm down. You know what I'm saying? Peace, serenity, and shit. What you finna put on? No, you're not about to go put on Mo Mumba, Mo Bomba. My nigga, when you wanna get your mind right and just be cool you don't- you put that shit on when you wanna get lit, you wanna get turnt. You want to get energetic.
[00:26:14] Caullen: Do you think the stuff that you want to hear doesn't exist? Or it's just-
[00:26:18] Tweak'G: Abso-fucking-lutely.
[00:26:19] Caullen: Or it's just so cluttered that it's hard to find everything?
[00:26:20] Tweak'G: Hell no, I'm creating what I want to hear.
It's a mixture of both. It's crazy because a lot of the music that I want to hear is out there, but it's buried and overshadowed by a lot of shit that shouldn't be, you know what I'm saying, spotlighted as much as it is. I be like, okay, this it? I be looking for, you know what I'm saying, some no-skip worthy type shit projects. You know, these motherfuckers literally be a one hit wonder, and then it's like, they can't keep up with that one big ass track. I be like, aight what's next?
[00:26:57] Caullen: With a two minute song.
[00:26:58] Tweak'G: You feel me? I be like, what the fuck? I be like, damn. Me, I'm a music lover. I love music, dog. I have a tattoo that say "life without music is a mistake". If music itself was to disappear from- in this whole entirety of this earth, I'd die within 24 hours. I'm dead ass, bro. If- no music- aw naw, I'm finna be in that motherfuckin corner somewhere itching, scratching myself, losing my fucking head.
[00:27:22] Caullen: "You- you got some music, man?!"
[00:27:23] Tweak'G: Like for real,
[00:27:24] David: "Lemme get some bars, bruh."
[00:27:24] Tweak'G: I need that in my, IV dog, like that's- dog, it's crazy. I almost can't explain it, my nigga, but I breathe, I eat, sleep, shit music. And I get depressed when I'm not able to create it. And the form that I want to create it. I was riding out, pulling up on a homie and I was playing my shit. She hopped in the car and was like, man, that's why I fuck with you. I was like, what? She said, you be bumping your own shit dog. Because I'm always going through some shit. And I created this- I create a lot of my music, like- you was talking about how we was filming and a lot of shit was happening now. That's where my music is at. I'm creating shit that's happening in my life right fucking now. And turning around, releasing it right now while this shit's happening. I'm literally an open book. And people like, Hey, what's your sound? What you're doing this?- Bro, I'm creating this- I don't know- I'm figuring all this shit out now, all this shit's happening now. Just- you gotta wait a minute, dog, hey shit. When it's coming, it's coming. It's gonna come when it come. My music right now it's trauma triggered. That's what I call it. That's what my form of writer's block was. I wasn't able to do shit when I was going through what I was going through. And so I just
[00:28:36] Caullen: And when you say "do shit", do you mean like produce and make bites and stuff?
[00:28:39] Tweak'G: Yes, yes, absolutely. To like actually write music, like the point of time when I was like forcing shit, and I just scraped, you know what I'm saying, scrap all this shit. Like dog that shit sounds forced. And then if something traumatic had happened then damn, that's when I just get that boost- like, man, fuck, I need to release. You know what I'm saying? And releasing sometimes isn't just me going to talk to somebody, it's just me talking to the mic. You know what I'm saying?
[00:29:04] Caullen: Yeah
[00:29:04] Tweak'G: And I won't even get feedback from the mic. No static, no nothing. It's just me and the mic, dog. And that shit's- bro, it is therapeutic for me. And I think sometimes some music, it lacks
[00:29:22] Caullen: Heart?
[00:29:23] Tweak'G: Emotion. Even if fucking, rap, RAH RAH, whatever you wanna call it, dog, you could feel if a motherfucker is in it. If you all- man, I'm just trynna do this shit, aye nigga like this, I want it to go viral. I can legit detect if you took your time with that shit. And dude, you know what I'm saying? A lot of people be like, yo man Tweak, go ahead just put that shit out to get that out. But, no dog, my writing, my creative music process- I got so much shit in the vault because I'm still sonically structuring my shit, dog. I just can't put out anything. It's a lot of shit I'm missing. "Gold", which I think is one of my best songs, and it's because- it was like a two-part things happening- the way we fucking even shot the video. It was the point in time when my brother was getting out, and originally we captured all that footage when he got released from downstate Illinois. We was at the train station, getting him and everything, tand we was recording the video of that. Bam. Some more shit happened. woudababam? He ended up getting back in that joint, me and the videographer we're going back and forth. He lived in Indianapolis. So you know what I'm saying? It was hard, him being back and forth, coming back and forth to the city, to Chicago and shit. So we back up at it, and it's like, Hey, you know what I'm saying, we gonna do a little turning point, but we gonna still mix what we had. It's time for my brother to get released, again.
[00:30:51] Caullen: And that had been how long?
[00:30:52] Tweak'G: A year. A year lap, right? So here we are, we at a year lap of making "Gold". "Gold" has already been out, as far as audio, it got released in March 2017. My nigga, March 2017 or 2018. One of them, I can't remember. And I'm like, aight cool. "Gold" picked up and got popular, and everybody's like, yo, you need a video for this. I'm like, yo, I was already making one, all this shit was happening. This and that, I'm like, just wait, right. And the shit ended up coming together. My brother was finna get out, and so we did a spin because me and him kinda got into it. And he was like, man fuck that, I don't want nothing to do with that video, don't put me, none of that- I'm like, aight fuck it then, I ain't putting you in shit. Dropped his ass.
[00:31:43] Caullen: That's interesting, cause I feel like we, David and I talked about you being the protagonist in- you, we're seeing you and Chi DNA, woo woo, and now you're on the other creative end and like his story is part of yours- what we're seeing.
[00:31:54] Tweak'G: Oh right
[00:31:55] David: but he's like, nah, don't get me in that-
[00:31:58] Caullen: He's like naw, son.
[00:31:59] Tweak'G: Right- he's like like, nah
[00:31:59] Caullen: that's interesting. How many, how- you were going to say, I'm sorry, I'm cutting you off. How did that feel? Like what was that ?
[00:32:04] Tweak'G: Man! He was being a bitch. He was in his feelings cause I told his ass what the fuck is up and you know what it is. And I was like, aight fuck you, you know what I'm saying, I was in my feelings too. And so it was what it was. The video still came out dope. So I changed.. It didn't, it didn't change too much because it still was going to be dedicated to the hood. I was talking about us, my upbringing on 79th, which it turned out to be solely about afterwards. And that was that. But as far as when I said, you know what I'm saying, I have triggered writing, that's how my music goes. "Gold" I wrote probably like half of the song, like 16 bars in before I was at a stop and shit was going on with my brother- him being in jail and shit and things going on there with him, shit affecting us out here, and my mom and my grandma. So I was telling Assata, my wife, like yo "Gold" is missing something. And she's like, "what?", and I'm like, I don't know. And I'm like, but I just can't write right now. He got sat down for a little time, was finna get a little time, and like, that kind of sent me over the head with some emotions and then I rolled up and then I put on the beat and I'm just going crazy and shit. And that was that. My bad, I'm tweaking, that wasn't "Gold" that was "Dinner Plate". And I'll say that it was missing more hurt. That's what it was. And that's when I ended up changing the chorus to "Dinner Plate," cause I opened up talking about my mom's drug addiction and that was that. So it's like, that's where my music has been. Even my marriage has impacted a lot of my music and a lot of good and a lot of bad. The part of- the part that I say is bad is cause I don't mind being open
[00:34:09] Caullen: You have somebody else in this with you now
[00:34:11] Tweak'G: Yes, I have somebody else now who's way more private than I am, and I'm just like, I don't give a fuck.
[00:34:16] Caullen: Here I am, WAAAA!
[00:34:19] Tweak'G: Hey, this is me. How I am, what I'm doing, and that's fine. You know what I'm saying? It's nothing wrong with being private. But this is that adjustment, the challenge where it's like, Hey, what I do, what I want to do with my life, we gonna be in the public eye, you know what I'm saying? But however, it's not fair to her for me to just be like, nah, you know, check this out. You know what I'm saying? So it's certain shit that I, you know what I'm saying, I don't think I'm shutting and shit and oh, I can back it down. I'm just letting niggas know like, Hey, it's not just me just out here, I got her to worry about too, you feel me, you know, I was just all over the place at that question too, but
[00:34:57] Caullen: no, and I think it's about you and your art, right? Which, I mean, you're you all the time and your art is what it is. And it's so conflated with you as a person, I feel like the answer has to be about everything, right?
[00:35:12] Tweak'G: Yeah. Remember I said my life is all over the place? That's why my response like that, cause literally shits all over the place. November 2019, I lost my uncle. November 15th. And that right there has been crazy cause I still haven't really dealt with it. I've dealt with death kinda close, but this is the closest I've ever dealt with it and it's still rocking my fucking head. I'm be like, and I tried not to get in my head about it. Cause if I really then start tweaking, don't let me be high, I be like, whoa, what the fuck? You know, I started thinking about this and then I just, it drives me crazy. So it's like, nah, you know, I just try to think of good things. I just ride out, you know what I'm saying? I actually have my uncle ashes in my house, so it's like every now and then I try to pick it up, talk to him and shit, you know, like, damn nigga you for real? Like I swear to shit, it doesn't feel real. Death hits you different when it hits close. Like, I don't know, shit's weird. But my uncle played a lot in my music selection. He was the- he actually gave me my first taste of hip hop, which was, uhm-
[00:36:31] Caullen: Some Soulja Boy
(Laughter)
[00:36:34] Tweak'G: Youuuuuu! Hey man, shoutout to Soulja, man. Cause that era was crazy for us.
[00:36:42] David: He's still alive, right?
[00:36:43] Tweak'G: Yeah, he's somewhere cranking that. It's like 48 remixes to Crank That, deadass. He was a pioneer enough for that. Like everybody and they mama started cranking that, g. So hey, you can't be mad. But the first taste of hip hop, man, he gave me the Eric B, and I can't, man, that Paid In Full- it used to be his ringtone, too. So you know what I'm saying, we used to go around the house- we used to ride around a lot with my uncle and shit. He was a big guy. We called him Doughbboy, you know like the Pillsbury Doughboy. My uncle-
[00:37:15] Caullen: I'm thinking of Ice Cube, in Boyz in the Hood.
[00:37:18] Tweak'G: He was like 5'11". He was big. You know what I'm saying, big guy. And I used to always be in the car with him playing music and shit. He used to try to pick up girls, "Hey baby, can I cook for you?" I used to be cock-blocking like a bitch, "he can't cook. He thisorthat". He be like, "shut up!", you know what I'm saying. You know, but who else? Special Ed. Run DMC.
[00:37:42] Caullen: Vanilla Ice?
[00:37:45] Tweak'G: Fuck no. Though he told me that one song though, he showed me that ice, ice baby shit, and I wasn't rocking with it.
[00:37:53] Caullen: I'm just playing. I'm just being dumb. Don't listen to me.
[00:37:57] Tweak'G: That, and he actually put me onto one of my favorite songs to this day is, "Careless Whisper" by George Michael, Wham! Hey, real quick fact, a lot of people don't know I was actually, besides that little piece of hip hop, I was actually raised up on a lot of R&B and Motown. Besides my uncle, my mom as well, she grew me up on a lot of Toni Braxton, Sade, Whitney Houston, Anita Baker, you know, shit like that. And I just was like, I fell in love dog. I fell in love with it. And I got started diving into hip hop and rap a little bit on my own here and there, but, of course women rappers wasn't even in the mix then. There was some out, but not too many that was like accessible or all in my face. So I clung more to the women singers and shit, and it was the ones that I just named. But then that's when I started digging deeper into the Motown era, fucking really loved the Motown era. And it's just been on after that, then the rap only started because I was on the playground, niggas was in a playground, herded up in a circle, rapping and shit battling and whatnot. And I was like, "I want to go in. I want a turn". And niggas told me no, a girl couldn't rap. It was over with for them niggas. Next time it was on time for the circle it was go mode. And before that I was only doing that here and there, I was still singing at the after school little center and shit, we made this quilt, I wonder if they still got it- my name at the bottom- "Jas: when I grow up, I want to be a singer" and shit. I was in the choir and everything. At Doolittle, Mr. Massey was out choir director-
[00:39:48] Caullen: shoutout Mr. Massey
[00:39:50] Tweak'G: Man, we was mad as shit when they cut it, when he left. And we got told it was cause they couldn't pay him. No funds. Fucking-
[00:39:59] Caullen: Heard that before.
[00:39:59] Tweak'G: No funds for CPS, man. And he taught us this song "Available", this gospel song and shit, it was dope. But then we also did our version of "Wade in the Water." That was his way of seeing "which one of y'all shortys could sing?", you feel me. One of my homies, Amber and her sister, Ashley. Ashley can sing, like shorty can go. And it's like- that's when you also like, Hey G you can't do everything, you can do a little bit, but Hey, that's cool, be good at what you can do, some people can do this, some people got a higher range, some don't. But me- I'm so fucking competitive G and I hated losing. Man, I got up there, (singing) "see that band..." motherfucker "dressed in red." Y'all I hit something. He was like, "you, here". You fucking better know it. I didn't know that shit was in me, and then it was on after that. However, I feel like that's a skill if you don't use, you would lose. I stopped singing, didn't do nothing with it afterwards. Nothing. As far as singing, all I used to do is sing in the fucking shower, other than that, I started rapping. Started remixing shit. I used to be in the neighborhood with the kids and they would just throw out words and point at shit. My grandma was big on doing that with me, she would point to random shit in the house, around her room and just throw out words and I'd make a rap about it on the spot. And here we are. Here we are.
[00:41:35] Caullen: Shit.
[00:41:36] Tweak'G: Here we are, baby, here we are.
[00:41:38] Caullen: There was a lot there. I feel like I was thinking about, well, I was thinking about two things. One, maybe I'll kind of get to that first, but I'm curious about this idea of you looking at the gender dynamics growing up with A) you being rejected from the cypher circle on the playground, but I mean that's what it was, but also listening to Rakim and old school hip hop and then R&B female singers but not seeing much cross. And then, now things are a little bit different, right?
[00:42:08] Tweak'G: Oh hell yeah.
[00:42:09] Caullen: And it's not only that, do we see "female representation in hip hop", but it's different types of artists across the board within the female pop-
[00:42:17] Tweak'G: It is
[00:42:17] Caullen: Like Young Ma, is not,
[00:42:19] Tweak'G: Young M.A?
[00:42:21] Caullen: No, wait what- I feel like she was always was saying both,
[00:42:23] Tweak'G: I don't ever hear her call herself Young Ma
[00:42:25] Caullen: she definitely has
[00:42:26] Tweak'G: I never heard her
[00:42:27] Caullen: okay, Young M.A
[00:42:29] Tweak'G: Maybe I'm crazy, I was like,
(Laughter)
[00:42:34] Tweak'G: The reason I was so anal about that, is cause I hate when people fuck my name up. I be like, yo get it right, nigga. Young M.A, fuck you talking about, so shout out to-
[00:42:43] Caullen: H.E.R. and Cardi B, my point is that they're not the same type of artists. Or for like 10 years ago or so even though there was representation-
[00:42:52] Tweak'G: You're saying they're not the same type of artist?
[00:42:55] Caullen: Which is obvious, right, but I'm saying, I think if you look 10 years ago, you might've seen female representation, but it was kind of one type of female rappers that was accepted. At the same time when a new demographic breaks on a scene of anything, it's like one type, then that type can be diversified a little bit more too, right?
[00:43:09] Tweak'G: Absolutely
[00:43:10] Caullen: so I'm curious on your thoughts on what that looks like now, and then the content of the music itself, we can get into that, what that looks like and feels like.
[00:43:19] Tweak'G: You definitely got to shout out the progress and what you just said is true. There's definitely more representation of women artists now, especially in the rap genre. However, I still think it's this sort of stereotypes and there's still a lot of divides. I think when it comes to women rap, female rap, whatever you want to call it, it's either this or that.
[00:43:43] David: What you mean "this or that"?
[00:43:46] Tweak'G: Based off appearance. Or what is popularized. And here's my example, I think Young M.A is definitely one of the hottest spitters out. And I think she trumps 80%, when it comes to lyrics and all this other shit or whatnot. However, if people were like, "oh, let's talk about, this person doesn't know how to make a song, a catchy song. And her- uuh, and this and that, and she's gay. She rap like a nigga and this and that," and, you know,
[00:44:24] Caullen: And like she don't count, because of...
[00:44:26] Tweak'G: Right. And they want to put her in the "nigga" or the "guy" category. And leave it up to the more feminine looking artists like the Nicki Minaj's, Kash Doll, Cardi B, Megan, you know, some bad bitches shout out to them, definitely. Talking about how they doing what they do, you know what I'm saying, "bitch my pussy this, bitch my that- I got cash- wooo woo woo. Turnt" know what I'm saying? And it's "ah, shit, it's the best, the best rapper. Best female rapper." Damn, that's not the only one.
(Laughter)
[00:45:03] Caullen: Right
[00:45:04] Tweak'G: The thing is people steady wanna divide this and that, when in reality they both can co-exist they both can exist. Duh, here's the proof. You have this type, you have this type. They both are women artists. They both- know what I'm saying, we all got different lanes of how we do it or whatnot, but here's the part where I come and I challenge it. I get a lot of comparisons to Young M.A. Because of how I am visibly presenting myself. I am masculine centered. However, I'm not just a rah rah, aggressive rapper. You feel me? I'm very still in tune with my feminine side, and I like to showcase that in my music. I'm not just a gay artist and I don't just talk about gay shit, or eating bitch's pussy or gay issues. I talk about a lot of different things that everyone can relate to: cheating, trust issues, fucking poverty, the things that black and brown people face, we talking about jail, we talking about party, drinking, smoking, hustling, whatever, not just shit that a black woman can relate to, not just shit that a gay woman that can relate to not just shit that a girl can relate to, whatever .This shit it's universal, you know what I'm saying? A lot of people try to box me in, and that's the part where you fucked up at, because you had those expectations because you like, "oh, you a Dyke, you a stud, I'm expecting you to do this and this and that" Tsktsktsk- it's your fault. Baby I'm a wonder ball, you ain't gonna know what the fuck's in it til you open it (Singing) open it wonder, who- what's in a wonderball?" That chocolate ball? And it was the candy inside?
[00:46:41] Caullen: Oh I was thinking of the Klondike bar. My fault.
[00:46:44] Tweak'G: My nigga! What?!
[00:46:45] Caullen: (Singing) What would you do for a klondike bar?
[00:46:47] Tweak'G: I wouldn't do shit for a klondike bar, man. Fuck the klondike bar.
[00:46:50] David: No, I get it though, okay.
[00:46:52] Tweak'G: But you know, like this shits out and it's- but that's the thing, it's more to that shit too, man. It's a lot of in-between and the people always try to skip over the in-between dog, but I'm here to give them a little flavor, man. A little, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Some more of this and some other shit. So we gonna have some- I'm going to have some fun.
[00:47:14] David: I was also really curious about like, I kind of knew some of this prior to us having this conversation where I was like, what do you try to do? How is it that you're necessarily trying to break stereotypes or, whatever we're doing, right. It's like-
[00:47:28] Caullen: I think, I mean, I don't wanna speak for you, so please just stop me. But, I feel like part of, I think all of us are like this to a certain extent, cause we're all kind of like, we take a lot of space just by being honest. I feel like, you know, I don't think Tweak's trying to come in and disrupt the whole shit.
[00:47:45] David: No, no no no nonono
[00:47:45] Caullen: She just being in her and by her being her and being versatile and being universal and being unapologetic and all those ways, thus it breaks up what was expected
[00:47:57] David: or do you feel like that fuels? Does that make sense? Is it, it's happening, and you're just like, alright, I'mma do this? Or is it like, I see this happening and because this is happening, I'm going to react or respond like this instead of like this, of course
[00:48:11] Tweak'G: it's both. I don't think it's fair for me to touch on, or talk about things that A) I know nothing about, to have experiencing nothing. And it's like, how can you say anything if you haven't experienced it? You can't really give no opinion- well you can, but it's like, who gives a fuck? Does it really have a value? Do you really know what you just said is true or is going to happen because you've been through it and that's how you know for a fact, right? I want to talk about the way we view masculine women. This is something that's very challenging for me and something that I think I could get across with my music. For me, when I was younger coming into, you know what I'm saying, coming out of the closet, actually, I ain't come out the closet, I was exposed. Shout out to my big sister, she fucking tricked on me. Because they was ragging on her ass, and she was like, "you need to worry about, Jasmine-" I was like, damn! I got in my motherfucking car so quick and fast, my motherfucking grandma- "Jasmine do you like girls?" And my uncle get on the phone, talking all calm and shit, the one who passed, RIP Uncle Brett, he, "baby listen, poodle. " -that's the family nickname, 'poodle the scooter'. He said, "just listen to me, but I ain't gonna love you no less, you know, you like girls?" I'm like, wow, bro, I'm on my way to practice, and y'all trying to have an intervention with me on the phone. I'm like, I gotta go click holla at y'all ass later. But that's that, and so then, let me also touch on growing up when I was younger, I never heard the term gay. I never heard the term lesbian.
[00:50:05] Caullen: When you say younger,
[00:50:06] Tweak'G: I'm talking about 6, 5, 4 years, or my first encounter with a woman is six. That's why I'm going this young
[00:50:11] Caullen: Just for folks don't really know- like years wise, cause obviously the times always change.
[00:50:16] Tweak'G: Oh yeah. I'm 26 now I'm going on 27. I'm talking about when I was six, as young as six years old. So around this time, you know the reason what I say six is cause that's the first time I, around the age I experienced something with a girl
[00:50:28] Caullen: Early 2000s, we're talking?
[00:50:29] Tweak'G: Two....1999, 2000, correct. Even before that, never seen my momma kiss a girl, nothing, obviously never seen it on TV. Never seen it in a magazine. Nothing, nada, nothing, right. It was a natural feeling for me. It instantly gravitated towards a her, a girl. That pretty little girl right there, you know? But also the stinky little boy right here likes me. That's also everything that's been in front of me promoted to me. "Oh, he likes you. That's your little boyfriend. You got a little boyfriend?" I guess? If that what that is? But the whole time, I been liking her. So what the fuck is that? What is this? What am I feeling? You know what I'm saying? Of course it wasn't- talked about, something else was, but it wasn't a her, it was a him. So I didn't know how to navigate with this her feeling, this feeling that I have towards a her. Here I go and I'm older and I'm seeing how I want to be with women and I'm coming out and how I've always been a tomboy. My mama tried to dress me one way. She'd do my hair in all these thousand barrettes and shit. I used to always lose them. She always snapped on me, like you know I'm finna lose these shits anyway, g. Like for real, y'all ever heard of a skort? It's a skirt and a shorts put together? I used to have them hoes on, fucked my knees up. I used to climb generators and trees and shit. But as I got older, okay, I'm in my closet. I'm in my, from grammar school to high school, so I'm 15, between 14 and 16. This was the critical pivotal point for me. At my lowest self. Self-esteem was shot. Low confidence. Didn't really know who I was, what I was trying to be, definitely trying to be something that other people wanted me to be, society itself.
[00:52:39] Caullen: Sure.
[00:52:40] Tweak'G: What I was raised to be, as far as, "oh, you're young lady, you're supposed to do this, man, nahnahnah," you know what I'm saying? I was really putting on a front and I was good at it. Until I- something just came over me and it's like, yo, it became too much to constantly put up this front of being something that you're not. So after my sister exposed me and it's like, Hey shit. Okay. Yes. It was such a relief. Because thank God, even though it was a shock to them, my folks, they didn't outcast me or whatnot. Though, my grandma at first, she wouldn't buy none of my drawers, G, when she used to take me school shopping, I'd try to put my- y'all know the Fruit of the Looms, in the- she'd be like, "get that out the basket. I'm not buying that." All I do is turn around and ask her for the money, go into another aisle, buy my drawers, but she wasn't buying the drawers. But where I'm getting at is, I started embracing my masculinity. And it was the center point of how I identified, you know what I'm saying, how I dressed. And cause that's how I was comfortable. Now, but because I chose to dress like that, at every point, every turn, I had to explain my womanhood, I always had to fight for it, it's always being erased because I'm masculine centered. I wasn't never- trigger warning- never sexually assaulted, raped, or anything like that when I was little, where it woulda turned me gay, that shit just happened to me when I was 25. And in that moment of me coming, being public with that incident, people was saying that my assaulter was gay, and you know what I'm saying, because I'm basically a boy. My sexual preference didn't change his, motherfucker. How is he gay? I'm a woman. I'm a cisgender identifing woman, who dresses comfortable to my liking, and because your pea-sized ass brain can't determine what's girl, or boy based on- how my swag is- that's your fault. But it's exhausting having to always explain, yeah, I'm still a girl. Yeah, I want to do this. And people be like, "oh, you, the boy-" went when they look at me and my wife, ain't no boy shit in here, my nigga, it's two women. You got one that's a real femini looking, a soft or whatnot. And you got one who's masculine looking. But if that's just how you basing me, that's your fault. Because a lot of people don't know I'm very flamboyant. I'm very in tune with that. But that's why I disassociate myself with these titles sometimes, like, with a stud or with a dyke, because they'd be like, oh, if you a stud or you a dyke you can't do this. You can't act too, girly. You can't be too feminine. You gotta- you the man, open up her door, protect her, bitch, protect me, open up my door. Fuck is you talking about, you feel me? I cry, chase me, you feel me? Well, it's two girls here. Oh, you a stud you a dyke, you in the club when that ass song come on, don't drop it- bitch, please. You better give me some room cause I'm finna drop this motherfucker, like it's hot.
[00:56:02] Caullen: Get it. Get it.
[00:56:03] Tweak'G: But see, when I was young, you know what I'm saying, ain't know no better, and it's like, oh baby, I'm not there, y'all can have that shit. Last year-
[00:56:11] Caullen: And now it's like you almost want to do it more, just to prove that whole thing wrong.
[00:56:16] Tweak'G: Yes! Yes!
[00:56:16] Caullen: Which is weird because now you're in a zone, in an area, in a space where people are more accepting of all that, but at the same time, the same hierarchies exist, right.
[00:56:24] Tweak'G: Absolutely. So now it's like, I'm going to do it regardless cause that's just me, but I'm also now really finna go forward because it's other people who has it harder than me going through some shit. And it's like, yo, everybody's story deserves to be told, but everybody's not storytellers. Aight, I got you, let me help you show you real quick. Yo, this shit exists and it's real. A lot of people listen to me. Hey, thank you. You feel me? I'm not here to try to change your man but I'm here to let you know it's not just this or that, my nigga, here's another alternative. Here's another way. Lead and love, yo, we rocking just like this, baby. Just like this, but Tweak'G the motherfucking God, I am a cis gender identifing woman, who's married to a woman. I'm not a man, I don't want to be, I'm comfortable in my body, how I am. If I wanna twerk, I can twerk, my nigga. If I wanna wear a crop top- I wore a crop top to the Chicago's Pride Parade last year. And the Chicago's gay scene, it used to be like, I swear to God, I kid you not, it's own little world. So toxic, y'all. So fucking toxic. And it's crazy because it damn near mirrors the heterosexual world, the same toxic, hetero norms that we have towards of the LBGT community- it's the same shit they have within each other, and I say, y'all are fucking weird. Like it's crazy. They looked at me- a lot of the studs or dykes I used to hang out with back in the day, they like, "yo bro, what's on? You...? What up, shorty, you rocking a crop top now?" Bitch, I got body, hell yea I'm rocking a crop top.
[00:58:06] Caullen: Right, show 'em
[00:58:06] Tweak'G: Fuck you talking about? But talking about, "aw man, that's gay," but you just shared Will Smith and his shit, talking about, "oh, I miss the 80s vibe, 90s vibe."- come on, that don't- it's- cause what they're trying to say- we mirrored the man- it's less masculine or too feminine, you know, it's emasculating for me to wear that, and I'm the boy one? It's a fucking lesson, it's the same way we look at the straight man. Oh, if he was to wear that, "aw, he gay."
[00:58:38] Caullen: Right.
[00:58:38] Tweak'G: How? Clothes are clothes, my nigga.
[00:58:42] Caullen: I don't even wanna make it so generalizable, was he looking at any marginalized people there's gonna be that same internalized oppression, what ever it looks like.
[00:58:50] Tweak'G: Absolutely. And that's what I be trying to tell him, like, yo dog you can't do that. You can't do that- cause in the straight world, it's more accepting of girl-on-girl than it is boy-on-boy, right? And the gay world it's more accepting of femme-on-femme than it is stud-on-stud. And I'll be like, y'all dumb as hell. Yes, we gay. If we saying that's what we are, we lesbians, and it's also contradicting and you sound like a hypocrite. If you say, "I'm not my clothes, I'm a girl," but then you bash this stuff, they messed up because they both dress in masculine clothes, or so you say. But when they both completely naked, they both got what each other want. "That's gay." Duh!
[00:59:35] Caullen: That's the point
[00:59:37] Tweak'G: Now, the reason I want somebody to be like, Hey, Tweak, be daddy stud. That bitch gotta be very girly. I am very dominant. I'm the alpha.
[00:59:45] Caullen: Everybody has their preferences, too. Whoever you are, as far as what you're into- not even like sexual preference, just what you are attracted to.
[00:59:51] Tweak'G: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But I've always- it's so funny. We had talked about it a little later, dog, when I dated a guy. A guy. I gotta say "a guy", because that was my first boyfriend when I was in grade school from six to eighth grade. And his report card on me was, G like, you don't know how to be a girlfriend. And that's the most important thing I want people to get from that. I didn't want to, my nigga. I didn't want to do all that shit you wanted me to do, be a girlfriend, touch on you, grab your hand. I wasn't invested in that. I was not connected, I wasn't feeling it-
[01:00:29] David: You were in middle school. Like, I dunno. Especially if you have all these conflicting feelings. This is a very validating point, but we in middle school, dog.
[01:00:44] Tweak'G: It started from when I was six.
[01:00:46] David: I hear that
[01:00:47] Tweak'G: It started from when I was six. I'm sorry, but it's the truth, at six years old is where I looked at guys as being a tool of giving me what I want. Them little niggas like, hey, you want my graham crackers? Hey fuck yeah I want that graham cracker.
[01:00:59] Caullen: Right.
[01:01:00] Tweak'G: "You like me? You want to hold my hand?" When I was in camp, this little nigga liked me so much, y'all want to know how much chocolate milk he gave me? Stop playing. What? All I gotta do is smile? Give me that chocolate milk. And share with this girl right here that I like, fuck is you saying. Dead ass. That was my story. And then after awhile it became annoying because it's like, I got tired of fronting. Putting up that front. It's, guy I don't really like you, I like that chocolate milk. It's cool. I don't even want the chocolate milk no more. I'm not feeling it. I don't really-.
[01:01:39] Caullen: I can only like it so much.
[01:01:40] Tweak'G: It's not, you know what I'm saying. And people, "oh, you preaching sexuality, you know, all that." No, it's not dog. And the reason why I want to bring up my story about being six is because of Dwyane Wade's little daughter Zaya. They talking about, "oh, she's too young." My nigga, I was half her age when I experienced what I experienced. I was six years old. I had a little boyfriend. I don't want to say his name, him or his sister. I'm just going to call him Billy. Billy and Mandy! Y'all remember that show?
[01:02:16] Caullen: Yes I do.
[01:02:16] David: With the grim reaper?
[01:02:18] Tweak'G: Yes, that was my shit. Billy liked me. Aight, cool. I liked his sister, Mandy. Remember at this point I don't know what the fuck it is. I'm not supposed to like Mandy. I just know that I like her. I enjoy when we play, woudababam. Aight, cool. We were some advanced ass kids though, I swear to God, bro. It was "catch a girl, kiss a girl" what not, but I always wanted to go onto boys teams so I could catch the girl.
[01:02:45] Caullen: Can we rewind- "catch a girl, kiss a girl"?
[01:02:47] Tweak'G: That's how it was.
[01:02:48] David: I've actually, I've heard about this. I've actually just recently heard about like,
[01:02:52] Caullen: Okay, so this was a game you used to play when you were-
[01:02:55] David: I personally did not. I was extremely religious, so to kiss a girl, you have to marry her. So like-fuck you mean?
[01:03:01] Tweak'G: We was in the projects. We was bad as hell, g.
[01:03:03] David: But like you will literally- so they would like scatter and then the boy would chase whoever he- they liked, right, and try to catch that person. And if you catch them, "I got you" and you hold them and you give them a kiss and then you run away again. So it's like-
[01:03:15] Caullen: It doesn't change when you get older, you told her like,
[01:03:17] David: I mean, I don't know
[01:03:22] Caullen: We're socialized as children from this game, right. Which is innocent fun, but it reinforces gender dynamics, hetero gender dynamics. Hit it and quit it. Try to find a girl, whatever do whatever means possible. And then once you "get what you want"- again a hetero, bro, cis, hierarchy, fuck boy, to lead or not, you know what I'm saying?
[01:03:50] Tweak'G: I get what you're saying, but it's different, man. That's a little, I get what you're saying, but it's like, are you comparing the "catch a girl, kiss a girl" to the "hit it and quit it"?
[01:04:00] Caullen: Yes, that's exactly-
[01:04:01] Tweak'G: but, it's two different things
[01:04:01] David: it's sending, well, no, I kind of get what he's getting at because like, as boys, right, my goal is then to catch the girl that I like-
[01:04:08] Tweak'G: but that wasn't just for the boys though. I said, I just wanted to be on the boys side. It was both want to play, both knew what the end game was
[01:04:15] David: No no no, for sure. Same with "catch a girl, freak a girl" same thing, right? It's like,
[01:04:20] Tweak'G: no, the "hit it and quit it" game is- it's different. It's one sided.
[01:04:25] Caullen: I'm talking about how was socialized as a game, and how it's socialized now. And then how that being a male centered game when you were a child, and then now being male centered-
[01:04:37] Tweak'G: What made it male centered?
[01:04:40] David: Cause you wanted to be on the boys team, as an example, right? Why can't it be, "catch a girl kiss a girl"-
[01:04:45] Caullen: It is thingafying women in the first place, objectifying in the first place.
[01:04:47] Tweak'G: You said what?
[01:04:48] David: Correct me if I'm wrong-
[01:04:48] Tweak'G: Because I think that's little boys' nature. They literally always chasing the girls that they like, they all, they are aggressive. That's how they express that they like or show affection. Oh, remember in Love and Basketball, he kept fucking up
[01:05:02] Caullen: But that's not in our DNA, it's how we're socialized and taught that's what we're supposed to do. It's learned behavior, is all I'm trying to say.
[01:05:08] Tweak'G: I don't know who the fuck- how the hell we learned that game, just playing around, chasing each other. I don't know who the fuck decided, "hey let's kiss." I know I didn't want to get kissed by a nigga. So why the fuck would I be running from them niggas? I'm around with them, so I could go and chase what I want to kiss. That's why I looked at it, or how it could be beneficial. And maybe the girls wanted to be chased, women like being chased, don't they? "You want me, come chase me, motherfucker. And if you catch me, then you get the kiss. You don't catch me, you don't kiss me."
[01:05:41] Caullen: So if I'm the woman in this situation and I like a boy, but I'm told I need to run and he needs to chase me, I have to go all through all these hoops and to tease and get him to want me and chase me-
[01:05:54] Tweak'G: Not really. You know how manipulative boys is, you could've turned around and said I want to kiss you.
[01:05:56] Caullen: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, with what you just said, as far as I'm the woman in that situation
[01:05:59] David: Also, we're using a game as an example
[01:06:02] Caullen: yeah, I'm just like making this, this small thing over children as a broader thing. So you say if you're a woman and you're told, if you- if I'm a woman, I'm someone who goes after what I want, but I'm told because I'm a woman, I can't just go up and be like, "Hey, I like you, I want to kiss you" talk to some dude. I have to like be chased and be caught.
[01:06:20] David: Because that's the game, right? That's what you're told do.
[01:06:22] Caullen: I'm being reinforced a gender role that I have to do this in order to get what I want. Whereas men are saying, you want something go get it? But you a woman, no, no, wait, you gotta make them want you. And what my point earlier was saying that gender roles across the board, I think now are more fluid, which is good, but that also is from patriarchy, right? Now, it's just from being male centered in the way that if you're a straight man, you desire a woman for a romantic intimacy, whatever, this is how you do it. And you do it in a way that sees them and puts them in the lens of an object, something to obtain, not something to share a space with it or share intimacy with. And I think that's reinforced from when we were children to forever.
[01:07:04] Tweak'G: But that's the thing, I don't think it was that deep, even as kids for us.
[01:07:08] David: You're correct
[01:07:09] Caullen: we were not thinking that AS children, but we were doing that because it was learned. That wasn't in our, it wasn't in my DNA- to chase women
[01:07:18] Tweak'G: but that's the part of what I'm saying- how was that learned? Where's the part where when you're playing, you just outside, especially where I'm from, there's not too many structures for us to interact with as far as playgrounds, my nigga. So to create fun was the part of, hey you run around this bitch. Let's play It. Let's play tag. And niggas just like, Hey shit, I like her shit. You throw in a kiss. There was girls who literally did the same shit. Shit, I like him. Shit, we chase and run. You, you kiss me, but shit, I'm kissing you first. And that's what I mean with the part of, I don't think that part is, oh, this was a learned behavior of a hetero norm, a behavior that we learned in here or being male centered and whatnot. It wasn't. I would say it was probably like that- more individually for me, for my situation, because of, like I said, I didn't like boys, I wasn't chasing them motherfuckers. No way. I was running with them, like them my boys, they're my friends- I tried to play double dutch, them bitches told me I was double-handed, I couldn't turn. So I was with the niggas anyway. Playing catch, jumpin generators and shit, Hey, when they want to go fuck with the girls and play with them and snatch shit, I'm running with them. But I was actually still on the girl's side, even though running with the boys. When the boys would chase them and want to play too much or too rough, I could beat they ass with the girls and then still scatter off with the boys, but they be looking at me confused, like, bitch, which team you on? I just in the middle, like shiii, you know. But I get what you're saying, but
[01:08:54] Caullen: I'm saying these aren't structures and socialized or whatever, not that there's not exceptions to that rule.
[01:08:58] David: I don't think that game exists now. I don't think-
[01:09:01] Tweak'G: man, these kids don't play games
[01:09:03] David: That's what I'm trying to get at. How social norms are constructed change based on generation. Cause, realistically, I think most of these games, we've probably learned them from an older brother or older cousin, uncle, things like that. And not to say that they were being evil by telling us to play these games or whatever, but it's like, I think I hear Caullen's point where it's like this, cause an example of creating these gender norms. And as for you, finding your balance between them, I think was the pivotal moment for yourself versus for other boys, they're not worrying about, oh, you know, I'm trying to kiss this boy. They're more like, oh, this is what I have to do,
[01:09:42] Caullen: I mean, some boys probably were
[01:09:44] David: but it's in the mindset that then they're growing up in this game being like, if I want to kiss this girl, I have to do A, B, and C. Versus the girl has to be like, oh, if I want this boy to get me, I gotta maybe run a little slower, but still kinda run away from the other three guys who I don't want the kiss. I think that's where, what Caullen was trying to grasp at, in regards to how we were playing. Cause, for example, I didn't have an opportunity to play that type of game
[01:10:09] Caullen: He was in church
[01:10:09] David: yeah, I was in church. What we did have was like-
[01:10:12] Caullen: 16 hours a day,
[01:10:14] David: more like six,
[01:10:15] Caullen: Sleep seven. Get to and from church that hour-
[01:10:19] David: but it's based on what we're doing. And that dictates a lot of what we believe to be normal. Or how we socialize these normal things. But one thing that I guess- the thing with Tweak is we can just chill here and just chill. I wish we could smoke in here.
[01:10:33] Tweak'G: On god! Grass, chillum, grinder
[01:10:35] David: Yeah. I know! I said I was just trying to smoke- I was waiting for you to show up. I didn't know you were gonna come- it doesn't matter. Shiro, cut that. But what I do wanna get-
[01:10:44] Caullen: He always says that- they not gonna cut it.
[01:10:45] David: What I do wanna get though is a little bit more- so we've heard a lot, the Chi DNA, how it's being in your life, in and out and seeing Caullen, myself, Dakota, peoples like that. And we've heard how your music has changed and- not that it's changed, but I feel more so it's refined itself. You feel what I'm saying? I think you've been able to really,
[01:11:05] Caullen: Like fine wine
[01:11:06] David: I think really you've been able to get at something. And I see this also from seeing you at your shows, not saying that you've done anything too much more different, but maybe me as an audience member, me as a fan, when I see you perform now, there's a certain level of, I don't know, awe, I guess, that I can say when I'm seeing you perform. Like when you did Out of the Box and I was remembering Out of the Box, which was Soapbox's first fundraiser. And then I was seeing your Instagram with, Charles was reposting you, Caullen was posting- and I was like, it's the same thing, but it's not, you feel what I'm saying? This is the same person who performed with the same passion, same love, but it's like, it's a whole different type of style, even though it's not. It's so finicky. But one of the things that I want to get at is, where have we seen or where have you seen your organizing or that activism part of your life change over the last year? Because I remember that, I think the last thing we talked about to you, we talked about your role in the military, we talked about ByeAnita campaign, and since then it was- the trauma center and then,
[01:12:09] Caullen: which are all seen in Chi DNA
[01:12:12] David: But since then it was like, you were more focused on family matters, personal matters, music. And then now, where do you find yourself or how has that change come for you?
[01:12:22] Tweak'G: I had took a step back from organizing, and it was reaping everything else that- they came from the past and successful campaigns that I've been on, the ByeAnita to trauma center campaign. But now I'm newly invested in Dissenters, anti-militarism organizing, for the simple fact I am a vet, actually. My contract ends, and it's completely over with May 1st, 2020.
[01:12:58] Caullen: Aw, I thought it'd been over?
[01:12:59] Tweak'G: So my first initial half of the contract was, which was- it was 6 and 2. I was six years actively serving with my reserve component. Then the last two years I was put in what is called IRR status, Individual Ready Reserve, meaning I'm on standby- if needed extra person, they could come get a nigga. But as of May 1st, that's over with. Uncle Sam could get the v-mail. So once I was presented with, yo Tweak, we trying to do XYZ and we need a core team, we'll be doing this and that. You came to mind because, Hey, bam, you have a military background. 2) You've already been organizing in the field, we know you, we've been seeing. We think you can be, very- you could add a lot of value to this, and very helpful about this. And it's like, all right, cool. Not only that, it's one of the reasons why I even wanted out of the military besides of the family situation. Cause I had to take POA over my grandmother who was really sick, still is up and down. But because of my politics. What the military is and what we have to do after all of the basic training and the fun shit that people like, or people just think it is, I'm not about that life. I'm not about war. I'm not about going over to different un#### countries and cause a turmoil. You would just killing off innocent men and women and children and just bullying them for their resources. No, my nigga. Notice that we get to go- first of all- and then y'all want to flip it and call that shit patriotic and you fighting for your country- nope! Fighting for the same country that looked at me to be lesser of them? Black and Brown people ain't got no business in doing the military. I don't give a fuck how beneficial people say it is. "Oh, you get this, you get that." My nigga, if you get called and you get deployed and your unit so happened to be over there and actually combat- guess who not finna drive that new Charger? Guess who not finna see that long? You dead nigga, point blank period. Do you know, I can't even really speak on it because I haven't experienced it, but people who go over there and they up there shooting up people and see that shit, it's happening less than the feet from you, you trying to pop- the thing is when people go over there, they don't care about shit, the goal is to make sure that the man or woman to your left and right comes back. Even if that means sacrificing yourself. That's the selfless part about that. How about, I don't even want to put myself in that situation. And the only way for me to take myself out that situation is finish out this contract, get the fuck out, and never go back. And if I could spread that word to the people, because people look at the military, "Hey, Hey, this is my way out of poverty. Hey, it's my way out of debt. Hey, I want to go to school. They offering school." They prey on shit like that. Not knowing that there's other resources and other ways for you to accomplish what you wanna accomplish. People don't talk about trade school enough. Hey, go do this. But they don't show the down side and the bad part of about being in the military. The shi that when it really mentally fucks people up, they don't talk about that part. I got homies who are permanently messed up in the head, dog, and that shit's so unfair and still fighting for VA benefits. Fucking 900 a month? Really? Fuck, you can have all that shit, I don't want it. I don't want no parts of it. And you shouldn't want it either, cause you're selling your soul, your body, you become government property. You're not looked at as a Black woman, a Black man or a doctor- cause if you come in with a degree you gonna get nothing but a couple of rank. That's it. You ain't really making no money. And no OT. We gonna be up there from sun up to sun down. Ain't no OT, no hours. Stop playing. When I came in, boy, I was making less than 25 grand a year. Stop it. Stop it. Enlistment bonus? You get half of it. Other than that, the rest is over your contract. But again, I said, if you get deployed and you over there, you're not finna see shit if you get popped. (mocking) - yeah, you sound stupid. I don't care what component you active, you national guard, you reserve, no one is exempt from deployment and seeing a fight if need be. That's why we all get the same training. I don't want no part. It's the most inhumane thing. There's more to it, but I know we running out of time, but it's not the way to go. It's not the way to go. It's not what the public, what the news, what these commercials are painting it to be. It's not. And if I can do anything to really spread the true nitty gritty truth about that shit, I'm banking on that niggas they wouldn't, y'all ain't see well. You think you tough, ah okay..
[01:18:18] David: all right. So everybody be on the lookout for Dissenters.
[01:18:22] Caullen: wearedissenters.org, I believe. If y'all want to throw some- throw the pasta bag at 'em.
[01:18:27] Tweak'G: Dang, Caullen beat me to the punch.
[01:18:28] Caullen: That was it. wearedissenters.org . That's the site young people across the country, at this point, organizing on their campuses
[01:18:36] Tweak'G: Setting up them chapters, baby
[01:18:38] Caullen: campuses- organizing chapters, like Tweak said, organizing against war and all of its forms, as well as the corporations that profiteer off of war
[01:18:46] Tweak'G: oh yeah, war is a money maker, baby. They getting paid.
[01:18:49] Caullen: It is an industry. It's everything Tweak just said and much more. It's how we think, it's all the things. We'll actually dig into it a little more pretty soon- actually the next episode, I believe
[01:18:58] David: Tweak, any shout outs to the people?
[01:18:59] Tweak'G: Oh, always, always power to the people, man. All my supporters, my day ones. To my newcomers, y'all. Appreciate y'all for rocking with me, being along, you know what I'm saying? Sticking here without a project, I'm letting y'all know, it's coming and it's going to be worth the wait. "Vulnerability" will be released 2020. No, I don't have a date yet because I don't want to jinx it, but it's coming out. Man, it's peace and love and blessings to all y'all. Shout out to Bourbon 'n BrownTown, Chi DNA. It's Tweak the fucking God, and I'm out.
[01:19:37] David: From everyone at Bourbon 'n BrownTown, stay Black, stay Brown, stay queer.
[01:19:38] Caullen: Stay tuned, stay turnt.
[01:19:38] David: We'll see you next time.
[01:19:39] Tweak'G: Stay gay and out the way!
OUTRO
Song Gold by Tweak'G
[01:20:00] David: For more information on episode guests related media and topics, check out the episode notes, follow us on social media @soapboxpo and or visit soapboxpo.com/podcast